also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
