She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
