Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
