but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
