Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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