She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
