This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
