how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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