Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
