i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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