I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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