whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
