Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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