Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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