'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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