my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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