You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
