God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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