if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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