Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
