I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
