it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
