She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
