I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
