we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
