We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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