Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
