Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
