I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
