The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Floor bacon is actually really good
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
