Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
