Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
