I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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