if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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