I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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