oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
