So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i love accidental penises.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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