I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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