we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
