he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
