OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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