i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
