I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
