And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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