Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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