I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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