My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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