I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
