I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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