think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
