This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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